The most famous questions for couples, the 36 that are supposed to make you fall in love, weren't written for couples. Psychologist Arthur Aron wrote them in 1997 for college students who had just met, and the four minutes of staring into each other's eyes isn't in his study at all. It comes from a 2015 New York Times essay. When researchers later tried the questions on couples, answering them alone together worked no better than small talk. Only the couples who answered them with another couple came away feeling more passion for each other.
Most question lists say they work for year 1 or year 50, then ask about your first year. These 107 are written for year 25: the first apartment, the hard years, the kids leaving, retirement, grandkids and getting older together. Each one comes with a follow-up, because the second question is where the story is.
Draw one at a time with the picker, print the 50 favorites, or skip ahead to the anniversary-party game the kids can host.
Draw a question for tonight
Pick a topic and a mood, or just press Next question. Every question comes with a follow-up. Text it to your spouse for dinner tonight, or copy it.
Topic
Mood
What did you think of me on our first date?
Then ask: What made you say yes to a second one?
How to ask so it doesn't feel like an interview
After 20 years you know each other's stories, so the trick isn't the question. It's how you ask it.
- Sit side by side. A car ride, a walk or the dishes. Talking without having to look at each other makes the bigger questions easier.
- One question, then the follow-up. The first answer is the short version. The follow-up is where the story is, which is why every question here has one.
- Answer first yourself. It turns a quiz into a trade.
- Make it a double date. In a 2014 study, couples who answered Aron's closeness questions alone together felt no different afterward from couples who made small talk. Couples who answered them with another couple came away feeling more passion for each other. Tap Good for a double date in the picker for questions that are fun to answer in front of friends.
- Ask somewhere new. In Arthur Aron's experiments, married couples who did something new and a little exciting together rated their relationship higher afterward than couples who did something familiar. Try a new restaurant, a new trail or a drive you've never taken.
- Keep at it. When Cornell's Legacy Project asked more than 700 older Americans, married about 40,000 years between them, what makes a marriage last, the advice they gave most was to keep talking.
When a question lands badly
Either of you can say "pass," no reason needed. If an answer stings, try "Thank you for telling me. Do you want me to just listen?" And keep the deep questions, and anything about health, loss or family, for a quiet night at home rather than a busy restaurant.
107 questions for married couples
Nine sets, from the early years to the next 20. Tap Text it to send one to your spouse, or Copy to save it with its follow-up.
Questions about the early years
How you met, the first apartment and the wedding day. Start here: everyone has an answer, and the stories come easily.
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1
What did you think of me on our first date?
Then ask: What made you say yes to a second one?
-
2
What do you remember about the day we met that I've forgotten?
Then ask: What was I wearing?
-
3
When did you know we'd last?
Then ask: Did you tell anyone before you told me?
-
4
What scared you about getting married?
Then ask: What turned out easier than you expected?
-
5
What do you remember about our wedding day that nobody took a picture of?
Then ask: Is there anything about the day you'd change?
-
6
What was our first apartment really like?
Then ask: What did we eat when the money ran out before payday?
-
7
What did we argue about in our first year, and what do we argue about now?
Then ask: Which of those makes you laugh now?
-
8
What was the first big thing we bought together?
Then ask: Did we agree on it?
-
9
What did your parents' marriage teach you?
Then ask: What did you decide to do differently?
-
10
What would you tell us on our wedding day?
Then ask: Would we have listened?
-
11
Which house felt most like home?
Then ask: What's one thing from that house you'd bring back?
-
12
What was our song back then, and do we have a different one now?
Then ask: Where were we the first time we heard it?
-
13
What song was No. 1 the week we got married?
Then ask: Do you remember hearing it? Play it tonight.
Look up your wedding week's No. 1
Date night questions for married couples
Light enough for a restaurant table, good enough to keep you talking through dessert.
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14
Which year of us would you live again?
Then ask: What made that year so good?
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15
What trip do we still need to take?
Then ask: What's stopping us?
-
16
What's your perfect Saturday?
Then ask: Which part could we do this weekend?
-
17
What song makes you think of us?
Then ask: When did it become our song?
-
18
What meal reminds you of us?
Then ask: When should we make it again?
-
19
What's your favorite photo of us?
Then ask: What was going on just before it was taken?
-
20
What made you laugh hardest this year?
Then ask: Was I in on the joke?
-
21
What would we do with a free week?
Then ask: No work, no kids, no budget: where do we go first?
-
22
What hobby could we try together?
Then ask: Which of us would be better at it?
-
23
What's the best gift I ever gave you?
Then ask: And the one you were too kind to complain about?
-
24
Which restaurant from our past would you go back to tonight?
Then ask: What did we always order there?
-
25
What's a small thing I did this month that you noticed?
Then ask: Did I know you noticed?
-
26
Which friends have been there longest?
Then ask: Who should we call this week?
-
27
What's something about my childhood you've always wondered about?
Then ask: Ask me now.
Fun questions for married couples
For when you want to laugh. After 20 years you have the material.
-
28
What's my most annoying habit? (Be kind.)
Then ask: Which of yours do I put up with?
-
29
What was our funniest fight?
Then ask: Who was right?
-
30
What habit of mine do you secretly love?
Then ask: Why secretly?
-
31
Which of us is the better driver, honestly?
Then ask: Name the moment that proves it.
-
32
What's the worst haircut I've had since we got married?
Then ask: Did you tell me at the time?
-
33
Which of us would last longer on a desert island?
Then ask: What would you bring for me?
-
34
What's the most "us" thing we do that other people find strange?
Then ask: Should we ever stop?
-
35
If our marriage were a TV show, what would this season be called?
Then ask: Who would play me?
-
36
What's a word or saying only the two of us understand?
Then ask: Where did it come from?
-
37
What did I do on one of our trips that you still tease me about?
Then ask: Would you let me do it again?
-
38
What's the silliest thing we ever spent money on?
Then ask: Any regrets?
-
39
When did I surprise you most?
Then ask: Good surprise, or "what were you thinking"?
Deep questions for married couples
Save these for a quiet night at home or a long drive, not a crowded restaurant.
-
40
What's the hardest thing we got through?
Then ask: What got you through it?
-
41
When do you feel closest to me?
Then ask: When did you last feel that way?
-
42
What do I do that makes you feel loved?
Then ask: Is there one I've stopped doing?
-
43
How have I changed since we met?
Then ask: Which change do you like most?
-
44
How have you changed?
Then ask: Which change surprised you?
-
45
What's something you've never told me?
Then ask: It can be something small.
-
46
What have you forgiven me for?
Then ask: What helped you let it go?
-
47
What dream have you put on hold?
Then ask: What would it take to start again?
-
48
What are you proud of us for?
Then ask: Have you ever told anyone?
-
49
What's the best decision we made together?
Then ask: Was it hard at the time?
-
50
What do you worry about that you don't say out loud?
Then ask: How can I help carry it?
-
51
When did you feel most supported by me?
Then ask: And when did you need more than I gave?
-
52
What did we get right?
Then ask: What would we do differently?
-
53
What do you wish I asked you about more often?
Then ask: Tell me about it now.
Questions to reconnect after the kids leave
The house got quieter. These help you find out who you two are now.
-
54
What do you hope the kids learned from us?
Then ask: What do you hope they didn't?
-
55
Which memory with the kids do you never want to lose?
Then ask: Have you told them about it?
-
56
Who were we before the kids, and who are we now?
Then ask: What do you want back from those days?
-
57
What did we stop doing when the kids came that we should start again?
Then ask: When could we start?
-
58
What do you miss about a full house?
Then ask: And what's the best part of the quiet?
-
59
What should we do with their old rooms?
Then ask: What would you never change in there?
-
60
What do you miss about being young?
Then ask: What could we do this year that feels young?
-
61
What don't you miss at all?
Then ask: Anything you'd never do again?
-
62
What tradition should we start?
Then ask: When's the first one?
-
63
What would you like more of?
Then ask: More time, more of me, or more of something else?
-
64
What small thing could I do every day?
Then ask: What would you do for me in return?
-
65
What do you want to learn about me that there wasn't time for before?
Then ask: Ask me one now.
Questions about retirement and the next 20 years
Where you'll live, what a Tuesday looks like when nobody has to be at work, and what's still on the list.
-
66
What do you want our next 20 years to look like?
Then ask: What's the first step?
-
67
Where do you want to retire?
Then ask: Near the kids, or near the water?
-
68
What's at the top of your bucket list?
Then ask: Which one should we do together?
-
69
What do you love about getting older together?
Then ask: And what worries you about it?
-
70
What will a normal Tuesday look like when we're both retired?
Then ask: What will you do while I'm out?
-
71
How much time together is just right, and how much apart?
Then ask: What's one thing you want to keep just for you?
-
72
What do you want to be doing at 80?
Then ask: Who's there with us?
-
73
What should we get rid of before we're older: stuff, habits or worries?
Then ask: Which goes first?
-
74
What's one thing you want to learn when there's finally time?
Then ask: Will you teach me?
-
75
What promise would you make me today?
Then ask: And one you'd like from me?
-
76
How do you want to celebrate our 50th?
Then ask: Who do you want there?
Questions about grandkids, parents and taking care of each other
The family keeps growing, your parents are getting older and so are you. Gentle questions for a quiet evening.
-
77
What kind of grandparent do you want to be?
Then ask: What did your grandparents do that you'd copy?
-
78
What should our grandkids know about how we met?
Then ask: Which of us tells it better?
-
79
How are you doing with your mom and dad getting older?
Then ask: What can I take off your plate?
-
80
When you're not feeling well, what helps most?
Then ask: And what doesn't help, even though I try?
-
81
Which of our parents' habits do you see in us now?
Then ask: Which ones should we keep?
-
82
What family recipe or story has to be passed down?
Then ask: Who should we teach it to first?
-
83
What's the kindest thing I've done for your family?
Then ask: Did you tell me at the time?
-
84
How do you want the holidays to look as the family grows?
Then ask: Which tradition has to stay?
-
85
Who do you miss that you wish could see us now?
Then ask: What would they say?
-
86
What do you want us to keep doing for each other as we get older?
Then ask: What's one thing you'd like me to start?
Anniversary questions for couples
Ask these every year on your anniversary and write the answers down. Reading last year's answers is half the fun.
-
87
How should we celebrate our next anniversary?
Then ask: Who plans it?
-
88
What would you call this past year of us?
Then ask: And what should we call the next one?
-
89
What went better this year than last?
Then ask: What helped?
-
90
What should we try before our next anniversary?
Then ask: Let's put a date on it.
-
91
What did you carry this year that I should thank you for?
Then ask: How can I return the favor?
-
92
What compliment should I give you more often?
Then ask: Can I start now?
-
93
Which couple do we admire, and why?
Then ask: What would they say about us?
-
94
What advice would you give newlyweds?
Then ask: Did we follow it?
-
95
What's your favorite thing about our home?
Then ask: What would make it even better?
-
96
If we renewed our vows, what would you promise now that you couldn't have known to promise then?
Then ask: What would you keep from the first vows?
-
97
Which line from our wedding vows turned out to be the truest?
Then ask: Which one took the most work?
-
98
What would you say in a toast to us?
Then ask: Go ahead, raise a glass.
-
99
Would you marry me again?
Then ask: What would you change about the wedding?
Faith questions for Christian couples
For couples who share their faith. A good way to end a Sunday.
-
100
When has God felt most present in our marriage?
Then ask: And when did he feel far away?
-
101
Which prayer for us has been answered?
Then ask: Which one are we still waiting on?
-
102
How has your faith changed since our wedding day?
Then ask: What helped it grow?
-
103
What verse or hymn reminds you of us?
Then ask: Should we read it together this week?
-
104
How can I pray for you this week?
Then ask: Can I pray for you now?
-
105
Who has shown us what a good marriage looks like?
Then ask: Have we ever told them?
-
106
What do you want our faith to look like in the next 20 years?
Then ask: What's one habit we could start together?
-
107
What are you most thankful for in us?
Then ask: Can we give thanks for it together?
What couples married 20+ years put in their songs
When someone makes an anniversary song on our site, they tell us about the two of them. We counted what came up in this year's anniversary songs for a husband or wife.
- Most are long marriages. Of the anniversary songs that say how long the couple has been married, 68% are for 20 years or more. The typical one is 28 years, and 1 in 10 is 50 or more.
- The kids come up twice as often. 55% of the songs for couples married 20+ years mention their kids, against 23% for couples married under 10 years. Nearly 1 in 5 mention grandkids.
- The how-we-met story never gets old. 6 in 10 tell it, as often as newer couples do.
- 1 in 4 mention a hard time they got through together, like an illness, a deployment or a stretch apart.
- The words people pick most for a spouse of 20+ years: hardworking, best friend, loving and funny.
From the anniversary songs people made on MakeCustomSongs.com for a husband, wife or partner, May 28 to November 8, 2026, counted by the words they used. We never share anyone's story.
That's why the list starts with the early years and has a whole set on grandkids, parents and taking care of each other.
An anniversary party game for couples married 20+ years
It's the newlywed game and the shoe game, rewritten for couples with decades of answers. The kids or grandkids host. You need two chairs, cards and markers for the couple, and about 20 minutes. Every match is a point. Play one couple against their own score, or several couples at once.
Round 1: Then
The host reads a question. Each of you writes your answer on a card, then you turn the cards over together. Every match is a point.
- Where did you go on your first date?
- Who said "I love you" first?
- What was the first car you owned together?
- What street was your first home on?
- What song did you dance to at your wedding?
- Who was more nervous on the wedding day?
- Where did you go on your honeymoon?
- What was the first meal your spouse cooked for you?
- What did you do on your first anniversary?
- What was your first pet together, if you had one?
Round 2: Now
Same rules, but every answer is about your spouse today.
- What does your spouse order at their favorite restaurant?
- What does your spouse always lose?
- What's your spouse's favorite TV show right now?
- What would your spouse eat every day if they could?
- Which chore does your spouse avoid?
- Who does your spouse call most, besides you?
- What's the first thing your spouse does in the morning?
- What's your spouse's favorite saying?
- Where would your spouse go on a free weekend?
- What's your spouse's idea of a perfect day off?
Round 3: The shoe game
Sit back to back. Each of you holds one of your own shoes and one of your spouse's. The host reads a question and you each raise the shoe of whoever it describes. Matching shoes score a point.
- Who's more likely to get lost?
- Who apologizes first?
- Who's the better cook?
- Who falls asleep during movies?
- Who cries at weddings?
- Who's the better dancer?
- Who controls the thermostat?
- Who spends longer getting ready?
- Who's the bigger kid at heart?
- Who fell in love first?
Questions to ask your parents or grandparents about their marriage
For the toast, the slideshow or a video for their 25th, 40th or 50th. Ask them together and let them argue about the details; that's where the best stories are. Record it on your phone.
- How did you two meet, and which of you tells it right?
- What did you think of each other the first time?
- What do you remember most about your wedding day?
- What was your first home like?
- What did you two do for fun before we came along?
- What was the hardest year, and what got you through it?
- What's the secret you'd pass down to us?
- What's a story about us kids you've never told?
- What song takes you back to when you were dating?
- What did your own parents teach you about marriage?
- When did you two laugh the hardest?
- What's the best trip you ever took together?
- What do you love most about each other now?
- What do you still want to do together?
- What would you tell your younger selves?
Their answers make the song
Bring their answers to us: how they met, the first home, the hard year, what they love now. We'll turn them into an anniversary song in their own story. Free to listen, and you only pay if you love it.
Make their free song previewA song from one couple's answers
Every answer above could be a line in a song. Here's how it works with a made-up couple, Debbie and Ray, married 33 years. These are her answers to five of the questions, and the song below was written from them.
- What do you remember about the day we met that I've forgotten? Your truck broke down outside the diner where I waited tables. You ordered cherry pie three nights in a row waiting on a part, and you tipped more than the pie cost.
- What was our first apartment really like? Over the laundromat on Fifth Street. The floor was always warm, and we owned one good pan.
- What's the hardest thing we got through? The winter the plant closed, with two babies at home. You drove a bread route at 3 a.m. and never once complained.
- What habit of mine do you secretly love? You still go out first on cold mornings to warm up my car.
- Would you marry me again? Tomorrow. Same diner, same pie.
Country
Debbie's Song for Ray
Example anniversary song from Debbie to Ray, married 33 years, written from her answers: a broken-down truck outside her diner, cherry pie three nights running, a first apartment over a laundromat and the winter he drove a bread route at 3 a.m.
Example song written from a made-up story. We never share customers' songs.
Turn your answers into your anniversary song
Tell us how you met, the first home and what you love about each other now. You'll hear a free preview in minutes, and you only pay if you love it.
Create your free preview